A short story inspired by Psalm 18

She can't remember when the darkness came. 

She remembers coming to the water. It was cool and refreshing. She remembers running quickly through the shallow water, diving deep and swimming for  several yards before surfacing. Rolling over on her back, she had rested on top of the water. It was nice, peaceful. The sun was bright, the sky blue. She had just lain there, gently moving her hands and feet only enough to keep herself afloat. The waves lapped at her sides, occasionally splashing her face. She felt free. 

Now, it was dark and the shore had disappeared in that darkness. How long had she been here in the dark? She shifted quickly. No longer was she resting on her back. Now she was treading water frantically, searching the darkness. How had she gotten here? No, the better question was: where was she? 

She swam for several minutes in one direction, hoping she'd find shallow waters. At least then she'd know she was close to land, right? No. Nothing. So off in another direction. Maybe this would be the way. Still nothing. 

Now she could feel the seaweed wrapping itself around her legs. The more she struggled to escape, the more entangled she became. She fought the darkness, she fought the seaweed, she fought... She must save herself!

Exhausted, she ceased fighting. Was it time to give up? She hung in the water, finally still. 

A faraway sound. Voices. Singing. Perhaps she wasn't so far from the shore after all. What were they singing? "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound..." 

She listened to the song and remembered the light. How warm it had been on her face. "Save me!" she cried. "Help me!" Her cry pierced the darkness. 

Now in the distance she heard a sound like thunder. The sound neared and a light shone down spotlighting her in the water. Soon the rescue team had harnessed her and the helicopter was lifting her to safety.

As she rose, she noticed the sunrise on the horizon. It was going to be a beautiful day. 

He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
    he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
    from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
    but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
    he rescued me because he delighted in me.    ~Psalm 18:16-19

Reflections on a Letter from a friend - Pt 3

It's interesting how, when we are faced with our sins, we may be willing to approach some of the easier ones.... but then there are others, usually the greater ones, that we'd rather just sweep under the rug and forget about. Today, the Lord decided to move the rug and call me to deal with one of my greatest sins.  My Bible reading for today included Psalm 17 and this verse jumped off the page:

"Though you probe my heart and examine me at night,
    though you test me, you will find nothing;
    I have resolved that my mouth will not sin." (V3)

While I am not one to make "resolutions" at the beginning of the new year, after reading your letter, I did set a goal to be more careful of what I speak about and the attitude behind my words. Needless to say I cannot say that God "will find nothing" when He examines me. My mouth continues to be my greatest nemesis! 

It is in regard to this issue that I have to pray over and over: "Lord, for the next 10 minutes will you help me to keep a guard on my tongue. Will you help me to remember to THINK before I speak?" The word THINK has been used as an acronym suggesting that before one speaks, these questions should be asked:

1)      It is True?

2)      Is it Helpful?

3)      Is it Important?

4)      Is it Necessary?

5)      It is Kind?

As you and I both know, I don't always remember to ask these questions... and so my mouth causes damage to myself and others. I am TRULY sorry. Will you pray for me to learn to speak words that are a healing balm to those who God places in my path? 

This story comes to mind:

 There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily, gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said “you have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.” You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there. Make sure you control your temper the next time you are tempted to say something you will regret later. (Author Unknown)

The fact is words poorly spoken, whether in anger or by some other motive, leave scars behind. As the man told his son "It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there." There lies the consequence of sin that I mentioned.

I am thankful for a Heavenly Father who is willing to forgive. John's words in 1 John Chapter 2 are a comfort to me:

"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world... We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God’s love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did....  I write to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name." (V1-6,12)

It is my deepest desire to live a life of obedience to God and that includes keeping a tight rein on my tongue. Like the boy, I can't go back and remove the scars caused by past words. However, I can strive to be sure that my hand no longer takes up the hammer to drive a nail in the first place. I'm so thankful for a God who does not give up on my in the midst of my failures.

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness."

                              ~Lamentations 3:21-22

Reflections on a Letter from a friend Pt 2

Part of my quiet time with the Lord is through a Bible study I am doing alongside some women at church. The study is written by Angela Thomas and is titled: Living your life as a Beautiful Offering. One of her points of teaching this week has been related to knowing "who is on standby in your circle of friendship to help you carry your burden." She shared an email that she had sent to the circle of friends who pray with her regularly. As I read her email, I was amazed; she had articulated so well a deep feeling of my own heart that I often experience:

"I am exhausted, physically and emotionally. I am tired of being "a really strong woman who can get it all done." I am tired of feeling like I have to live like I don't need anybody but Jesus. Can you pray into the loneliness that comes from so many blessings and no one to share both the responsibilities and the joy?"

I read this and I think about who I have in my circle. It's harder to fill than one might imagine. Again, I reflect on your letter and what God may have me to take from it. 

Here's the hard lesson I learn... perhaps related to my "love language" (ala Gary Chapman).  I have a deep longing for quality time, as a way of feeling loved. When I sense that I am being deprived of such time, I feel abandoned, alone. In an effort to overcome that feeling of abandonment, I forget those healthy boundaries that God has designed for protection. I reach out in inappropriate ways desperately seeking  fulfillment of my deep desire for love. As my relationship with Christ has matured, I've cast aside many of the "socially inappropriate" means of seeking such fulfillment; however, I still have many habits that I cling to in my despair.  I admit that when I feel someone is "supposed to be there" for me and that person is unavailable for any reason, I become distressed and confused and manipulative. I begin to speak and act in ways that I think will compel the person to meet my great need. 

"Be still and know that I am God." How thankful I am that my Ever Faithful Father reminds me gently that HE is the one that is always here for me. What great error is made when any of us attempt to force someone to take on a role that God Himself is waiting patiently to fill. Over and over we are promised that God hears us when we call. He is ready to listen, to love and to lead in ways that no one else can. He wants me to celebrate my joys and sorrows with Him... and if I will let Him, He even provides His hands and feet and voice and ears through the Body of Believers.... maybe not in the way that I would have chosen, but He does provide because He is always faithful and has promised He will never leave me nor forsake me (Deut 31:6). 

None of this is to say that we cannot or should not look to individuals to come along side us on this journey of life. That is not my point. The lessons I learn are these: 1)Stop expecting humans to fulfill a need that only God can fill. 2) Recognize that God desires to be more in your life because of His great love for you 3) Allow God to fill the spaces that He alone can fill. 

"May the God of all hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." ~Romans 15:13

Reflections on a Letter from a friend - Pt 1

It's been about 3 weeks since I received your letter and I'm thanking God for it again today. You see, while much of what you said cut me deeply, My Loving Heavenly Father spoke to me through it. He has shown me some hard truths, sin in my life. There are consequences to sin and I know that I will not be saved from those consequences. I can only move forward and strive to leave the sinful things behind. So, that is what I'm working towards. I'm on a new journey, thanks in big part to the way God has spoken to me as I have continued to reflect upon your words and asked Him to show me where I need to change. 

Key to this journey has been to learn that God alone is my confidant. I'm working diligently to recognize boundaries in relationship. You see, something I've learned about myself is that I've fallen for the lie that I have "lots of friends". The problem is that I've translated that word "friends" way to liberally. I've behaved as if everyone who is nice to me is now my friend and so I share as I believe friends would share.... openly. The excuse I am tempted to use is that I am a "verbal" processor; I process things externally. I seem to have a "need" to say things out loud. "God created me that way and I just can't help it." A sad lie that I've told to myself for all my life! 

So now, I am learning to confide in God alone. I pray daily that He will help me to "sense" His presence... that I will feel His touch, will hear His voice, will see Him before me and beside me and behind me in all things. I'm trying to be more "Mary" and less  "Martha." One of the things I've always envied about you is the time you've had to be Mary. To sit at Jesus' feet... you "have chosen the greater thing and it will not be taken from you." In the last week or so, Jesus has been showing me that I can do that too... I just need to choose it as a priority. He has promised me that if I will set aside time for Him, He will honor that time by allowing me all the time I need to accomplish the other things in my life. So I'm sitting at His feet and finding an incredible joy that I never knew before. 

I'm learning to keep a tight rein on my tongue... not easy, but I'm working on it. Some habits are hard to break. I'm discovering boundaries and, when necessary, I am demanding that others know and keep those boundaries, too. In the past, I've always seen boundaries as walls to keep others out. I'm discovering the boundaries that are designed to keep us safe from harm... by our own hand or another.

Be still.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the great damage that believers do to one another in the name of our latest cause, opinion, etc. We spew hate at one another through our facebook status, we stand on our soap boxes and declare truth as we see it. Somewhere in the midst of it all we lose sight of Jesus. He gets buried in our agendas.

These days I have a deep longing to just hear Jesus... and no one else. I long to block out all the other voices that whisper and shout around me. Somewhere in the midst of all the noise is Jesus and I sometimes have trouble finding Him under all our "Holy" rubble...

But, at the end of the day, I know He is there waiting for me to still my heart and listen for Him to speak, calling tenderly: "Here I am follow me."

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." ~Psalm 46:10