S/he will not return to me

Over that past few years, I have walked the journey of watching a friendship that had lasted nearly three decades fall to pieces. It has been a difficult journey, bringing a great deal of grief and pain. 

Recently, I was reminded of the story of King David and the death of his first-born son with Bathsheba. The son was conceived in the midst of David's sin when he took Bathsheba away from Uriah and had Uriah killed. Nathan, the prophet, let David know that the consequence of his sin would be the death of the child. When the child became ill David lamented for many days fasting and neglecting all personal care as he focused on the healing of his son. The child still died and when David heard that his son was dead, he ceased fasting, picked himself up from his bed of sorrows, cleaned up and carried on as leader of his people. When challenged as to his seemingly strange behavior, David said this: “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” (See 2 Samuel 12 for the whole story.) 

Hearing this story of David anew, I see my own situation more clearly. I spent many months praying and lamenting the loss of this friendship. A friendship that was broken, in part, by my own sins. I pleaded for reconciliation; yet, I only met with silence. I begged God for an answer.  The turmoil of an unresolved situation was bringing sorrow upon sorrow and I didn't know which way to turn. 

At last, I received a letter from my friend.  The letter was in many ways painful as it pointed out half-truths that caused our relationship to break beyond repair. I finally had my answer. There was to be no reconciliation this side of heaven. I have mourned this loss for many months. 

Recent conversation with a pastor and God speaking to me through this story of David have helped me to be ready to move forward. Now that I know this relationship is dead, why should I go on grieving the loss? I have been tempted in the last few months to continue fighting for the relationship, yet I have my friend's answer that tells me it is not possible. 

Like David, who was given another son after the first died, I must look towards the future instead of mourning the past. The lost relationship is out of my hands, dead, and it is time to move on and nurture the relationships that God is now giving me.