Speaking the TRUTH in LOVE

I wonder how often we stop to think about the power of our words? We have the power in our tongues to build up or tear down, heal or hurt. The tiniest of words can cause the greatest of pain or the greatest of joy. It is all a matter of how we choose. Here are a few examples that I've seen play out via the wonders of facebook: 

 

Example one: a friend has been hurt by those she thought were her friends. They have lashed at her and hurt her deeply. She has a choice to make: Does she fight back with her own hurtful words? Should she ignore their words? 

 

Example two: a friend observes behavior that seems inappropriate or that has in someway offended. Does she overlook the offense? Should she speak up and let the offender know how she feels? 

 

 Example three: A person reads something that is full of grammatical and spelling errors (perhaps this very blog). Does he proceed to publicly comment on the "lack of education" and "ignorance" of the individual? Should he point the errors out privately? Would it be better to overlook the errors and focus on the message instead? 

 

In each of these instances there are more things that need to be considered. On the one hand, what might be the consequences of speaking up? How will my words be received? What will the other person or people think of me because I choose to speak up? Will I make enemies or friends by what I say? On the other hand, what are the consequences for remaining silent? Will I have missed an opportunity to be a healing balm or a corrective voice to another? Will a wrong be perpetuated because I choose to overlook it? 

Do we consider the consequences of the choices we make? I like this advice: Before [you] say something to or about someone else, [you] should ask [yourself]: “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?” Good advice! It reminds me of the Apostle Paul's admonishment that we should "speak the truth in love."(Ephesians 4:15)

The five little words "speak the truth in love" carry a tall order. What must we do in order to fulfill this Word from the Lord? How do we know what the truth is? 

There are several places in scripture where we are told to speak truth. Here are a few: 

"These are the things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment in your courts; do not plot evil against your neighbor, and do not love to swear falsely. I hate all this,” declares the LORD." ~Zechariah 8:26-17

•  ¹ LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
     Who may live on your holy hill?
   ² He whose walk is blameless
     and who does what is righteous,
  who speaks the truth from his heart
   ³ and has no slander on his tongue,
  who does his neighbor no wrong
     and casts no slur on his fellowman,
  ⁴ who despises a vile man
     but honors those who fear the LORD,
  who keeps his oath
     even when it hurts,
  ⁵ who lends his money without usury
     and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
     He who does these things
     will never be shaken.  ~Psalm 15
  

So we see that God wants us to speak truth. However, we are not to do so harshly and without caring for the person to whom we are speaking. We also find scripture that ties together truth with love, gentleness and humility: 

 "Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth." ~1 Corinthians 13:6

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart. ~ 1 Peter 1:21

My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.   ~1 John 3:18

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. ~Galatians 6:1

But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will. ~ 2 Timothy 2:23-26

So, first, we ask our self: "Is what I want to say TRUE?" It takes a great deal of prayer, requesting that the Holy Spirit reveal the truth of the matter. We can easily get caught up in our own prejudices and develop a clouded view of the situation. We must learn to look through Jesus' eyes an not our own. 

 

Once we have arrived at the truth, we must then ask if it is necessary to speak up. Will speaking up make things better?  If so, better for who and in what way? It is not enough to speak the truth. If our motivation is to "be right" in an argument or to seem "smarter" then we are not likely to be speaking the truth in love.  Is someone in danger? Is harm being done? So we must first consider out motivation. Why do we feel it is necessary to speak up?

Now that we've decided to speak up, we must ask if the words we have chosen are "kind." Remember, our words have the opportunity to hurt or heal. Even when another person is wrong or has wronged someone, they are still people of value in Jesus' eyes. (He died for them, too... even if they aren't yet ready to accept that truth.) We must approach with a sincere heart, prepared to lovingly correct the situation. 

 

Obviously, our words (no matter how well intended) won't always be received well. If we have sincerely attempted to obediently follow the Spirit's leading in how we approach the situation, we must then release the results of our obedience into His hands. We cannot force another to accept the word we attempt to deliver. In the end, we are to "obey God and not man" (Acts 5:29).

Well, this blog has ended up much longer than I expected and I'm not sure I've made sense... normally, I would go back and read it again, but it's late and I'm tired. So, having attempted to speak the truth in love, I'll just leave it in God's hands, praying that you "may grow up in all things into Him who is the head— that is, Christ— from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love." ~Ephesians 4:15-16