Reflections on a Letter from a friend - Pt 1

It's been about 3 weeks since I received your letter and I'm thanking God for it again today. You see, while much of what you said cut me deeply, My Loving Heavenly Father spoke to me through it. He has shown me some hard truths, sin in my life. There are consequences to sin and I know that I will not be saved from those consequences. I can only move forward and strive to leave the sinful things behind. So, that is what I'm working towards. I'm on a new journey, thanks in big part to the way God has spoken to me as I have continued to reflect upon your words and asked Him to show me where I need to change. 

Key to this journey has been to learn that God alone is my confidant. I'm working diligently to recognize boundaries in relationship. You see, something I've learned about myself is that I've fallen for the lie that I have "lots of friends". The problem is that I've translated that word "friends" way to liberally. I've behaved as if everyone who is nice to me is now my friend and so I share as I believe friends would share.... openly. The excuse I am tempted to use is that I am a "verbal" processor; I process things externally. I seem to have a "need" to say things out loud. "God created me that way and I just can't help it." A sad lie that I've told to myself for all my life! 

So now, I am learning to confide in God alone. I pray daily that He will help me to "sense" His presence... that I will feel His touch, will hear His voice, will see Him before me and beside me and behind me in all things. I'm trying to be more "Mary" and less  "Martha." One of the things I've always envied about you is the time you've had to be Mary. To sit at Jesus' feet... you "have chosen the greater thing and it will not be taken from you." In the last week or so, Jesus has been showing me that I can do that too... I just need to choose it as a priority. He has promised me that if I will set aside time for Him, He will honor that time by allowing me all the time I need to accomplish the other things in my life. So I'm sitting at His feet and finding an incredible joy that I never knew before. 

I'm learning to keep a tight rein on my tongue... not easy, but I'm working on it. Some habits are hard to break. I'm discovering boundaries and, when necessary, I am demanding that others know and keep those boundaries, too. In the past, I've always seen boundaries as walls to keep others out. I'm discovering the boundaries that are designed to keep us safe from harm... by our own hand or another.

Be still.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the great damage that believers do to one another in the name of our latest cause, opinion, etc. We spew hate at one another through our facebook status, we stand on our soap boxes and declare truth as we see it. Somewhere in the midst of it all we lose sight of Jesus. He gets buried in our agendas.

These days I have a deep longing to just hear Jesus... and no one else. I long to block out all the other voices that whisper and shout around me. Somewhere in the midst of all the noise is Jesus and I sometimes have trouble finding Him under all our "Holy" rubble...

But, at the end of the day, I know He is there waiting for me to still my heart and listen for Him to speak, calling tenderly: "Here I am follow me."

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." ~Psalm 46:10

When our morals are challenged.

Today I am in a difficult position as I consider what to do with this moral dilemma:

A couple who stayed here at the inn about 5 weeks ago has now made reservations to stay with me again. The problem is this: During their last visit, I learned that girl is a student at the local Christian college. As a graduate and former employee of this institution, I know that she has signed a document which would condemn these arrangements with her boyfriend... Certainly it is possible that this is an "innocent" arrangement, but still the two students are putting themselves in a situation where it would be easy to compromise their own standards. So what do I do?

Can I reject this request for reservation? If so, what excuse do I use? Am I honest about it, saying that I cannot play part in what I know is a willful disobedience of standards that the student has promised to live by? Is is my legal right to do so, or am I inviting a discrimination lawsuit?

Do I notify the institution? I'll be honest, I feel very strongly against doing this. The right thing to do is to approach the student. I do wonder, if I only deny the student access to a room here, is that going to change her behavior? Would discipline bring spiritual growth, or cause spiritual questioning?

One thing I know for sure it this, I didn't say anything to indicate my disapproval of their arrangements when they were here the first time. If I had, perhaps I wouldn't be dealing with the situation again. Aren't we that way sometimes? We overlook a sin, or shortcoming, thinking it's a one time indiscretion. We are quick to sweep it under the rug, or say "well, just this once. It's OK." Fear of being "quick to judge" sometimes means that we overlook an opportunity to speak truth into another person's life. Overlooking sin (big or small) in our own life or others, opens the door for Satan to do even greater work. When we look the other way once, we're sure to be challenged with opportunities to do it again and again, risking the chance of behavior that could become out of control.

So what do we do?

I'm still thinking about this, so no answers today. Feel free to write me about your thoughts on the subject.

What's in a name?

When I was 30 years old, I changed my name. I've always been "Julie Marie"... I just haven't always been a "Jobryce". In fact, I made that name up. I'm the only one; I'm uniquely me. :)

People often ask me why I changed my name and I have a number of reasons that I won't go into here. Let's suffice it to say that I've always believed that your name said a lot about who you are... in more ways than one it is your identity. My last name, Jobryce, is reflective of my family - two brothers: Joe & Bruce. That's one of the many ways we are identified: family.

Today I was reminded of this again and the thought that came to mind is this: My identity is found in Christ alone. God says in Isaiah 43:1, "I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine."

Revelation 2:17 tells of a day in heaven when we will be given a "white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it." I've always imagined that God has a special name for each of us... In my mind it's a bit like Pa calling Laura "Half Pint" in Little House on the Prairie. There are a lot of people named "Julie" in the world... but I have another name that is mine alone and only my Heavenly Father knows it. How exciting it will be to know that name... It is carved on a white stone just for me.

My Inheritance

This morning in church, our scripture passage was Psalm 47:

Clap your hands, all you nations;
    shout to God with cries of joy.

For the Lord Most High is awesome,
    the great King over all the earth.

He subdued nations under us,
    peoples under our feet.

He chose our inheritance for us,
    the pride of Jacob, whom he loved.

God has ascended amid shouts of joy,
    the Lord amid the sounding of trumpets.

Sing praises to God, sing praises;
    sing praises to our King, sing praises.

For God is the King of all the earth;
    sing to him a psalm of praise.

God reigns over the nations;
    God is seated on his holy throne.

The nobles of the nations assemble
    as the people of the God of Abraham,
for the kings of the earth belong to God;
    he is greatly exalted.

While our guest speaker made a number of great points, the thing that jumped out to me was his question, "Are you happy with the inheritance that God has chosen for you?" I have to say that being able to say a loud "yes!" to that question was an amazing thing for me.

I've spent a lot of my life wandering aimlessly, trying to figure out where I belonged in this world. It took a long time for me to reach the point where I could look at my life and say, "Wow. THIS is what God created me for... it's how He designed me and how He wants to use the experiences I've had in life."

Looking back on my life, I have discovered one important flaw in my wanderings... I was looking for where I belonged in this world; the fact is, I don't belong here. My home is in heaven, therefore, I am never going to find the answer to that question. The better question is this: "Father, while I'm here on earth, what is my assignment? How can I best serve You and honor your name?" While I am certain that there are many more answers to that question that I haven't yet discovered, I am thankful for a Heavenly Father who has chosen a good inheritance for me. He gives the greatest gifts and I'm blessed.

Brokenness, Joy & Sorrow

You have walked this journey with me for many years.
You have given me a place to call home when I was homeless.
You have encouraged me when I've faced disappointment.
You have cried with me when I will filled with sorrow.
You have applied a healing balm to my many hurts.
You have accepted me for who I am, even when I am "ugly".
You have been Jesus with skin on so many times....
You were my first real glimpse of Who He Is.

I have finally found a joyful place in my journey.
I have found a place to call home while in this world.
I have overcome disappointments and fulfilled dreams.
I have found the joy that overcomes my sorrows.
I have experienced healing in many broken places.
I have learned to be less "ugly" and be more kind.
I have come to know Jesus dwelling in me in new and powerful ways.
I have done all these things because you have been my advocate.

And, in the midst of all this joy I have found there is sorrow.
Sorrow that you are a prisoner in your own home.
Sorrow over your disappointments and shattered dreams.
Sorrow that it is beyond my ability to help you find joy.
Sorrow over the brokenness of your life that I cannot heal.
Sorrow that only the "ugliness" of this world is real to you.
Sorrow that when I want to be Jesus with skin on for you,
I cannot. A door that only He can open is in the way.

So I pray for a miracle. Wait for a sign.
And I promise God that I would give up
everything that I have gained
Just to know that you've found His Joy.

Mourning

Is it wrong that I cannot (will not)
mourn the death of my friend
who has entered into God's Holy rest?
Much more so, I mourn for those who
are still breathing earth's oxygen
yet they have no will to live.
I mourn those who are held
captive to their sorrows and
pains of their past.
How difficult it must be
to live days without hope or joy,
to trudge through life
feeling unlovely and unloved.
Yes, I will grieve, but not for
those alive in Christ.
I will grieve for those who are
yet alive and don't know it.