It's been about 3 weeks
since I received your letter and I'm thanking God for it again today. You see,
while much of what you said cut me deeply, My Loving Heavenly Father spoke to
me through it. He has shown me some hard truths, sin in my life. There are
consequences to sin and I know that I will not be saved from those
consequences. I can only move forward and strive to leave the sinful things
behind. So, that is what I'm working towards. I'm on a new journey, thanks in
big part to the way God has spoken to me as I have continued to reflect upon
your words and asked Him to show me where I need to change.
Key to this journey has been
to learn that God alone is my confidant. I'm working diligently to recognize
boundaries in relationship. You see, something I've learned about myself is
that I've fallen for the lie that I have "lots of friends". The
problem is that I've translated that word "friends" way to liberally.
I've behaved as if everyone who is nice to me is now my friend and so I share
as I believe friends would share.... openly. The excuse I am tempted to use is
that I am a "verbal" processor; I process things externally. I seem
to have a "need" to say things out loud. "God created me that
way and I just can't help it." A sad lie that I've told to myself for all
my life!
So now, I am learning to
confide in God alone. I pray daily that He will help me to "sense"
His presence... that I will feel His touch, will hear His voice, will see Him
before me and beside me and behind me in all things. I'm trying to be more
"Mary" and less
"Martha." One of the things I've always envied about you is
the time you've had to be Mary. To sit at Jesus' feet... you "have chosen
the greater thing and it will not be taken from you." In the last week or
so, Jesus has been showing me that I can do that too... I just need to choose
it as a priority. He has promised me that if I will set aside time for Him, He
will honor that time by allowing me all the time I need to accomplish the other
things in my life. So I'm sitting at His feet and finding an incredible joy
that I never knew before.
I'm learning to keep a tight
rein on my tongue... not easy, but I'm working on it. Some habits are hard to
break. I'm discovering boundaries and, when necessary, I am demanding that
others know and keep those boundaries, too. In the past, I've always seen
boundaries as walls to keep others out. I'm discovering the boundaries that are
designed to keep us safe from harm... by our own hand or another.
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