Part of my quiet time with
the Lord is through a Bible study I am doing alongside some women at church.
The study is written by Angela Thomas and is titled: Living your life as a Beautiful
Offering. One of her points of teaching this week has been related to
knowing "who is on standby in your circle of friendship to help you carry
your burden." She shared an email that she had sent to the circle of
friends who pray with her regularly. As I read her email, I was amazed; she had
articulated so well a deep feeling of my own heart that I often experience:
"I am exhausted, physically and
emotionally. I am tired of being "a really strong woman who can get it all
done." I am tired of feeling like I have to live like I don't need anybody
but Jesus. Can you pray into the loneliness that comes from so many blessings
and no one to share both the responsibilities and the joy?"
I read this and I think
about who I have in my circle. It's harder to fill than one might imagine.
Again, I reflect on your letter and what God may have me to take from it.
Here's the hard lesson I
learn... perhaps related to my "love language" (ala Gary Chapman). I have a deep longing for quality time, as a
way of feeling loved. When I sense that I am being deprived of such time, I feel
abandoned, alone. In an effort to overcome that feeling of abandonment, I
forget those healthy boundaries that God has designed for protection. I reach
out in inappropriate ways desperately seeking fulfillment of my deep desire for love. As my
relationship with Christ has matured, I've cast aside many of the
"socially inappropriate" means of seeking such fulfillment; however,
I still have many habits that I cling to in my despair. I admit that when I feel someone is "supposed
to be there" for me and that person is unavailable for any reason, I
become distressed and confused and manipulative. I begin to speak and act in
ways that I think will compel the person to meet my great need.
"Be still and know that
I am God." How thankful I am that my Ever Faithful Father reminds me
gently that HE is the one that is always here for me. What great error is made
when any of us attempt to force someone to take on a role that God Himself is
waiting patiently to fill. Over and over we are promised that God hears us when
we call. He is ready to listen, to love and to lead in ways that no one else
can. He wants me to celebrate my joys and sorrows with Him... and if I will let
Him, He even provides His hands and feet and voice and ears through the Body of
Believers.... maybe not in the way that I would have chosen, but He does
provide because He is always faithful and has promised He will never leave me
nor forsake me (Deut 31:6).
None of this is to say that
we cannot or should not look to individuals to come along side us on this
journey of life. That is not my point. The lessons I learn are these: 1)Stop
expecting humans to fulfill a need that only God can fill. 2) Recognize that
God desires to be more in your life because of His great love for you 3) Allow
God to fill the spaces that He alone can fill.
"May the God of all hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." ~Romans 15:13
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