Reflections on a Letter from a friend - Pt 3

It's interesting how, when we are faced with our sins, we may be willing to approach some of the easier ones.... but then there are others, usually the greater ones, that we'd rather just sweep under the rug and forget about. Today, the Lord decided to move the rug and call me to deal with one of my greatest sins.  My Bible reading for today included Psalm 17 and this verse jumped off the page:

"Though you probe my heart and examine me at night,
    though you test me, you will find nothing;
    I have resolved that my mouth will not sin." (V3)

While I am not one to make "resolutions" at the beginning of the new year, after reading your letter, I did set a goal to be more careful of what I speak about and the attitude behind my words. Needless to say I cannot say that God "will find nothing" when He examines me. My mouth continues to be my greatest nemesis! 

It is in regard to this issue that I have to pray over and over: "Lord, for the next 10 minutes will you help me to keep a guard on my tongue. Will you help me to remember to THINK before I speak?" The word THINK has been used as an acronym suggesting that before one speaks, these questions should be asked:

1)      It is True?

2)      Is it Helpful?

3)      Is it Important?

4)      Is it Necessary?

5)      It is Kind?

As you and I both know, I don't always remember to ask these questions... and so my mouth causes damage to myself and others. I am TRULY sorry. Will you pray for me to learn to speak words that are a healing balm to those who God places in my path? 

This story comes to mind:

 There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily, gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said “you have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.” You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there. Make sure you control your temper the next time you are tempted to say something you will regret later. (Author Unknown)

The fact is words poorly spoken, whether in anger or by some other motive, leave scars behind. As the man told his son "It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there." There lies the consequence of sin that I mentioned.

I am thankful for a Heavenly Father who is willing to forgive. John's words in 1 John Chapter 2 are a comfort to me:

"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world... We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God’s love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did....  I write to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name." (V1-6,12)

It is my deepest desire to live a life of obedience to God and that includes keeping a tight rein on my tongue. Like the boy, I can't go back and remove the scars caused by past words. However, I can strive to be sure that my hand no longer takes up the hammer to drive a nail in the first place. I'm so thankful for a God who does not give up on my in the midst of my failures.

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness."

                              ~Lamentations 3:21-22

Reflections on a Letter from a friend Pt 2

Part of my quiet time with the Lord is through a Bible study I am doing alongside some women at church. The study is written by Angela Thomas and is titled: Living your life as a Beautiful Offering. One of her points of teaching this week has been related to knowing "who is on standby in your circle of friendship to help you carry your burden." She shared an email that she had sent to the circle of friends who pray with her regularly. As I read her email, I was amazed; she had articulated so well a deep feeling of my own heart that I often experience:

"I am exhausted, physically and emotionally. I am tired of being "a really strong woman who can get it all done." I am tired of feeling like I have to live like I don't need anybody but Jesus. Can you pray into the loneliness that comes from so many blessings and no one to share both the responsibilities and the joy?"

I read this and I think about who I have in my circle. It's harder to fill than one might imagine. Again, I reflect on your letter and what God may have me to take from it. 

Here's the hard lesson I learn... perhaps related to my "love language" (ala Gary Chapman).  I have a deep longing for quality time, as a way of feeling loved. When I sense that I am being deprived of such time, I feel abandoned, alone. In an effort to overcome that feeling of abandonment, I forget those healthy boundaries that God has designed for protection. I reach out in inappropriate ways desperately seeking  fulfillment of my deep desire for love. As my relationship with Christ has matured, I've cast aside many of the "socially inappropriate" means of seeking such fulfillment; however, I still have many habits that I cling to in my despair.  I admit that when I feel someone is "supposed to be there" for me and that person is unavailable for any reason, I become distressed and confused and manipulative. I begin to speak and act in ways that I think will compel the person to meet my great need. 

"Be still and know that I am God." How thankful I am that my Ever Faithful Father reminds me gently that HE is the one that is always here for me. What great error is made when any of us attempt to force someone to take on a role that God Himself is waiting patiently to fill. Over and over we are promised that God hears us when we call. He is ready to listen, to love and to lead in ways that no one else can. He wants me to celebrate my joys and sorrows with Him... and if I will let Him, He even provides His hands and feet and voice and ears through the Body of Believers.... maybe not in the way that I would have chosen, but He does provide because He is always faithful and has promised He will never leave me nor forsake me (Deut 31:6). 

None of this is to say that we cannot or should not look to individuals to come along side us on this journey of life. That is not my point. The lessons I learn are these: 1)Stop expecting humans to fulfill a need that only God can fill. 2) Recognize that God desires to be more in your life because of His great love for you 3) Allow God to fill the spaces that He alone can fill. 

"May the God of all hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." ~Romans 15:13