Living Single in the Married Church

I just read this article: http://www.christenacleveland.com/2013/12/singled-out/
Hope you will take the time to read it (don't forget the comment section) 

Here are my reflections on the subject of being a single woman in a married church:

Being single isn't what I would have preferred to have happen in my life, but it is where I am today. Most days I'm OK with that, but sometimes I'm not. Most often, the times I find myself feeling down about my status as a single woman are when my good intentioned Christian brothers and sisters make comments that indicate that my life will somehow be better when I finally get married and have children. I walk away feeling lesser than my married friends. [Honestly, I had a woman say "you're going to make a wonderful mother someday." Hello? At the time I was a 49-year old woman with no possible chance of giving birth barring a miracle. and, before you say it, yes, I know I could always adopt, but really?] And how many times I have a heard a variation on the theme: "There's someone out there for you. There is someone for everyone." 

I was a Singles Ministry Team Leader for a very short time. This is mainly because I don't believe in Singles Ministry. It is a ministry that was created by the married church because they don't know what to do with us. Singles are lumped into one massive group regardless of age (18-108), regardless of reason for singleness (never-married, widowed, divorced), regardless of whether one has children or would like to eventually get married (first time or again). How can one ministry serve so many people from so many different life experiences? Excuse me for saying so but the Singles Ministry is like the Leper Colony in many churches. I've attended a church with 25% of it's sermons based on marriage, family and parenting issues. OK, so that's only 1 in 4, but typically these sermons take place in 5 week blocks, so... Yeah. Got anything for me in your bag of sermons?

The Church needs to learn how to be inclusive, rather than exclusive. Sometimes this is as simple as considering the language we use. Many programs offered by a church are not (or at least shouldn't be) specific to marital status; however, the way these programs are presented often implies that they are. For example, a Ladies Retreat is offered to all Ladies in the church, but when the announcement of the event is a skit with husbands discussing why they should step up to the plate so their wives can get away, then the implication is that this event is for married women. When events for moms encourage dads to step up and watch the children, what happens to single moms? What about sermons that should be non-specific to marital status but contain statements such as "in particular if you are married you should...." The experience of Christena (author of the article I mentioned above) where the pastor makes an [inappropriate] side remark about singles at the end of his sermon on marriage is not unique to her experience. It happens in less blatant ways quite often. 

Forty-four percent of US citizens over the age of 18 are single. In theory, this means that forty-four percent of the people filling our church pews should also be single. I dare say that this population is the least represented number in churches today. Where are our single people? The community I live in has both a seminary and a university. You would expect a large percentage of students to attend local churches and I look around myself and ask "where are they?" Where are the single pastors training? (Ah, an answer to this might be find in the attached article... who are the churches hiring?) And, let's just be honest, if all us single ladies are supposed to be married, where does the church recommend that we find those husbands? It seems (to this single lady) that single adult males are the least represented population in churches today. What do we offer them? I mean, at least the ladies can help with Children's Sunday School and the Nursery. Right?

I am sure that for many I'm coming across as being over sensitive. I'm not trying to be a complainer against the Church. I believe it is important that healthy marriage and family life be modeled and taught. As an older single person, I even see the value for myself in having a healthy understanding of marriage and family. There are certainly opportunities for me to minister to people in both these areas. At the same time, it would be wonderful if married men and women would invest time in understanding the challenges of being single in a community that is thoroughly married. I want to feel like I'm a part of something, not an after thought or a last minute addition. Loneliness is a big part of what it comes down to for me. Yes, it really is possible to be in a congregation and feel all alone. 

So, I am rambling here and will stop with my thoughts. Eventually I may get around to putting them in better order, but that will have to wait for another day. I've gone on for too long already. Thanks for reading. I welcome your thoughts. 
AND PLEASE TAKE TIME TO READ THE ARTICLE I MENTIONED.
THANKS!

Are we having fun yet? ...Yes. Yes we are!

The adventure begins... Cairo Airport

 Today's post is filled with some randomly fun pics we took during my week in Egypt... 

Many years ago a friend told me that I should always take a picture of my foot when I traveled. That was the evidence that I'd been there... yes, before the "selfie" there was a "footie." So, you'll see a few of those here... along with some other crazy fun photos. Enjoy!

While touring Jonathan & Aubri's School (Cairo American College), we found this great statues in the Art Gallery:

 Speaking of statues, there were a few missing from this temple in the Giza Pyramid complex. There should be one in each of the indentations seen here (six along each side and one in the center of the front wall for a total of 13). Aubri modeled the stance so we could imagine what the temple might have looked like originally. 

 The Giza pyramids aren't near as big as you might think. Jonathan had no trouble leaping right over them. (I think he was spiking the sun volleyball). 








...and it made a great leaning post when I decided to rest for a few minutes during our adventures. 

Aubri gets photobombed by Jen while balancing between the pyramids... Aubri wasn't really tall enough to reach the tops of the pyramids, so she is standing on a wall... when Jen joined her, she didn't use the pyramids to help her balance and below is the result: 






Of course, Jen & Jonathan were tall enough to reach the top without standing on the wall.. 











Life imitates art?

Jonathan shows us what the sphinx
looked like before it lost it's nose

Kissed a sphinx and I liked it.

I rode a camel....

...and here's the picture to prove it.

Aubri's fist pump with Ramses II

          We visited the Serapeum and found this
          great sarcophagus... Here Aubri & I
           are holding up the lid so Jen can stand 
            underneath.... brute strength, I say! 

OK, this picture below isn't of any of us, but I decided 
to include it anyway. The Citadel has a great 
"photo-op" where you can dress in costumes and have 
pictures taken (ala King's Island)... I thought it was 
pretty funny. :)

The feet of kings and queens... 

 We are kings and queens! (Left foot forward)

Saqqara & The Step-Pyramid of Djoser [Evolution of the Pyramids - Pt 1]

Lest you think my trip to Egypt was just a time for visiting the fabulous Skaggs Family, I'll be sharing some of my adventures, too. Here's the next installment: 

Everyone wanted to know if I was going to visit the pyramids while in Egypt. The answer: Of course! How could one travel so far and not take time to explore these wonders? Here are some things I've seen and a little of what I've learned, but first a disclaimer: The pictures below are from a scattering of places I visited and may not necessarily go together to represent one specific place. Rather, they are here to show you some of what I saw while on this trip... Archaeologist and historians should not assume I am accurate in every detail... just enjoy my pics, OK? ;) 

Cobra topped wall in the complex

The Step-Pyramid of Djoser, located in Saqqara (about 45 min drive from Cairo) isn't technically a pyramid in the truest sense of the word. Ancient Egyptians focused a great deal on the afterlife and, therefore, it was important for bodies to be preserved. Originally, bodies were buried in pits dug in the sand; however, they were often invaded by scavengers (both animal and human). Mastabas were added as the first tombs to better protect and preserve the bodies. These flat tombs were built over the top of elaborate underground burial chambers with tunnels and rooms.  The step-pyramid is actually a stack of mastabas. Eventually this form would evolve to the shape we commonly think of as a pyramid. 


Left: Stairwell leading down to one of the tombs we toured

Below: A tunnel leading to the burial chambers... Jonathan is over 6 ft tall, but even I, at five foot three and three quarters, had to duck to make it through this passage that was about 10 feet long. 

King Ti? Perhaps he's drinking tea?

Inside the tombs walls were covered with reliefs, some but not all were also painted and it is amazing to think that this paint has lasted for over 4000 years! 

A surprising discovery was the Serapeum of Saqqara, a vast underground necropolis dedicated to the bulls of Apis. The estimated weight of each sarcophagus, which is made of either red or black granite, (there are about 30 of them) is around 77 tons (according to the ever reliable wiki folks). This makes it baffling to imagine how thieves managed to get the one pictured (with Jen) moved as far as they did. [Note: a floor has been built around it, so the sarcophagus is actually a few inches taller than it appears... and there is a lid that is about 2.5-3 feet high that goes on top!] 

One of the sarcophagi in the Serapeum

Tunnel in the Serapeum

The Serapium reopened in 2012 after renovations to reinforce the structure, thus the iron beams seen in the above photo.... the Pyramid itself is under renovation now and covered with what we would consider archaic scaffolding (but is still commonly used in Cairo today)

                      

Unrushed and Refreshed

"I'm a task girl. I like accomplishing things. I like the thrill of moving forward, creating momentum, and getting stuff done... But the more I choose to pause and talk and really connect, the more I discover the thrill in the sacred spaces of relationships. Leaving room in my life for the unrushed yes strengthens the fabric of my relationships so they can better withstand the wear and tear of everyday life."  [Lysa TerKeurst - The Best Yes]

I've been reading and re-reading the chapters of Lysa's book over the past several months. I keep needing to hear what she's saying because I relate so well. The above quote is from a chapter I've just read for the first time and will likely revisit many times before it really sinks in... "The Thrill of the Unrushed Yes." This chapter states well the blessings I've recently discovered because of the generous gifts of friends. 

By the time December 2014 rolled around I was exhausted from all the tasks and 'getting stuff done'. December didn't show any signs of slowing. In the midst of all I had to do to finish out the year, I was also in the process of preparing for my "Jubilee Year Journey of a Lifetime", a trip to Egypt to spend a week with my dear friends The Skaggs. This extravagant, unexpected gift was looming on the horizon and, while I was excited for the adventure that lay ahead, I was also overwhelmed with all I felt needed to be done before I left. 

It's not in my nature to allow people to help me. Not a habit I'm proud of, just a fact. So it was difficult and amazing all at the same time when family and friends began pouring out their love to me: taking care of final details to be sure the inn would be ready for guests scheduled to arrive 3 days prior to my return, stepping in to serve as innkeepers during those 3 days, and insisting that I get away and forget about my work for a while. How was I to know that this was just the beginning of the blessed gift of rest, restoration and relationship that My Heavenly Father wanted to speak into my life? 

On January 3rd, my amazing brother and sister-in-law drove me to Chicago where I boarded a plane headed for Amman, Jordan and then on to Cairo, Egypt. I walked through the terminal gate peacefully confident in those who would take care of all my responsibilities while I was gone. 

The week ahead was full of lots of wonderful adventures as we visited pyramids, museums, cathedrals, mosques and the citadel. I promise I'll tell you more about these adventures in a future blog, but today I want to focus on the most precious gifts: time and relationship. 

While I tend to be a fairly social person, I actually spend a great deal of time alone. Being part of a family for 8 days was blessing upon blessing for my soul. Here are a few of my favorite moments;

• Conversation with Jen about life and faith while curled up in blankets and sipping cups of tea or coffee. The mornings were cool and crisp and the conversation was warm and encouraging. 
• A tour of the neighborhood where Byron grew up. His heart for this place is evident as he shares of past experiences, present life and hope for the future. Byron loves his Egypt and I am thankful that he shared that love as we moved around the city throughout the week. 
• Family time each evening, laughing at Parks and Rec and noshing on popcorn or pizza (and, of course, a few raw veggies for good measure.) ...Oh, and I finally saw The LEGO Movie"... "Our mouths were filled with laughter,  our tongues with songs of joy." (Psalm 126:2)
• Hanging out with Aubri in my room on Saturday night: naming the snowman puppet "Handy" and flipping coins to determine which would be shared with Samuel... and laughing... a lot. (see above)
• Chatting with Jonathan during his lunch break from school. Talking about his future plans as he looks towards life beyond High School.... and his recognition that the next time I visit (yes, I do hope to go again)... the next time, it is entirely possible Jonathan will be returning home, too, as a college student home for break. 

These things are the ordinary things of life, day to day activities where life really happens. Don't get me wrong, it was strangely wonderful to be a tourist with no responsibilities. Still, all those sites would have meant nothing if not for the amazing family with whom I shared them. Their friendship and love is what has made this an experience to be cherished. 

"Connecting with those we love is like soul food.... Relationships nourish us in ways nothing else can. It's the relationships that help unrush us." [Lysa TerKeurst]

Thanks, Skaggs Family, for helping to "unrush" me. You're the best! Can't wait to see you this summer.