S/he will not return to me

Over that past few years, I have walked the journey of watching a friendship that had lasted nearly three decades fall to pieces. It has been a difficult journey, bringing a great deal of grief and pain. 

Recently, I was reminded of the story of King David and the death of his first-born son with Bathsheba. The son was conceived in the midst of David's sin when he took Bathsheba away from Uriah and had Uriah killed. Nathan, the prophet, let David know that the consequence of his sin would be the death of the child. When the child became ill David lamented for many days fasting and neglecting all personal care as he focused on the healing of his son. The child still died and when David heard that his son was dead, he ceased fasting, picked himself up from his bed of sorrows, cleaned up and carried on as leader of his people. When challenged as to his seemingly strange behavior, David said this: “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” (See 2 Samuel 12 for the whole story.) 

Hearing this story of David anew, I see my own situation more clearly. I spent many months praying and lamenting the loss of this friendship. A friendship that was broken, in part, by my own sins. I pleaded for reconciliation; yet, I only met with silence. I begged God for an answer.  The turmoil of an unresolved situation was bringing sorrow upon sorrow and I didn't know which way to turn. 

At last, I received a letter from my friend.  The letter was in many ways painful as it pointed out half-truths that caused our relationship to break beyond repair. I finally had my answer. There was to be no reconciliation this side of heaven. I have mourned this loss for many months. 

Recent conversation with a pastor and God speaking to me through this story of David have helped me to be ready to move forward. Now that I know this relationship is dead, why should I go on grieving the loss? I have been tempted in the last few months to continue fighting for the relationship, yet I have my friend's answer that tells me it is not possible. 

Like David, who was given another son after the first died, I must look towards the future instead of mourning the past. The lost relationship is out of my hands, dead, and it is time to move on and nurture the relationships that God is now giving me. 
 

In the Potter's hands

 

 "Remember," the Potter cautioned his students, "you must bring the clay up before you move it out. Otherwise, it will collapse." 

These words, shared with me by a friend taking a pottery class, intrigued me. I had to find out more. I asked my friend, Rudy, if he could expand upon the idea for me. Rudy, considered by many to be a master potter, shared some stimulating information.

"The first and most important thing, when working with clay, is to be sure it is centered. Then you want to bring it up before you start stretching it to make it into a vessel."

I smiled as I marveled at the newest details acquired in my quest towards understanding what it means when the scriptures refer to God as the Potter (e.g. Isaiah 64:8). I've been working to put together the pieces of this puzzle; here is what I know so far:         

The clay must be centered. If we remember that we are the clay, then we understand that we must be centered. The place we begin mandates where we will go and how our lives are shaped. God, our potter, molds us starting with a center that focuses on Him. If we move off center, we are going to affect the way we develop.

Once centered and focused on God, it is time to move upward with Him. We allow God to shape us by raising us up towards Himself. As we remain in His hands, we grow in faith and understanding. Rising up towards Him strengthens us and prepares us for the next step.

As we move upward with God, He will begin to stretch us. He molds us and moves us to begin to take shape in the ways He chooses. Like the clay pot, we can collapse if we begin to stretch out before we have moved up. We may be excited to become what God has planned for us to be. Yet if we move too quickly out without taking the time to center and move upward with God, then we are susceptible to collapsing. Our ministries overwhelm and become too much for us. We burn out. We become frustrated. We collapse.

Another element taken into consideration as the potter crafts his piece is the clay itself. The wise potter knows that the clay has a mind of its own. The clay will sometimes push back as the potter molds and shapes it. What the potter intends to be a pitcher may end up a bowl if the clay is uncooperative.  Yet, when the clay remains in the potter's hands, it still becomes something beautiful. 

So it is with us. We too have minds of our own. God has a plan for us. He starts out molding us with a specific shape in mind. Still we have our own ideas and make our own decisions. This means that our lives may take a different shape than what God first planned for us. The good news is that, as long as we remain in the Potter's hands, we may not become what He originally intended, but we will become something beautiful.

Cracked pots and wilted flowers

I walked into the flower shop carrying the pottery vase with its large cracks on either side. Placing the vase on the counter, I waited patiently for Rosie to finish her phone conversation.

"Rosie, I want you to use this vase and make a beautiful arrangement for me. My only request is that you select flowers that you would not normally use." I smiled at her confusion.

"What do you mean?" she inquired.

"I want you to choose flowers that are flawed, ones that you would normally throw away... Oh, and I do plan to pay for them, I'm not looking for something free." Her puzzled look told me that further explanation was necessary.

"The flower arrangement is to be a visual representation of the God who loves us."

"You see this vase? It is evident, looking at the pot, that it certainly collapsed sometime during the curing process, resulting in the two large tears on either side.  Most of us would have been inclined to toss the pot aside and start over. However, the potter did not. He chose to take the flaws and work them into his creation."

"I want you to do the same with your creation. Take that which would normally be discarded and make it beautiful... imperfect, but beautiful."

Rosie, an artist who is determined to give only her very best, reluctantly agreed to my request. I left her to ponder the challenge, anxious to see what she might create for me. 

When I returned several hours later, Rosie presented me with her offering. Many would notice where she had trimmed away dead leaves and petals from some flowers and had sculpted others with just a small trim around the edges.  Some would find the wire and glue where she had mended some of the stems and petals. All would see the beauty.

Looking at the arrangement, which is sitting on my table, I reflect upon the God who inspired me to request such a creation. He is a God who will take me just as I am, flaws and all. In His gentle hands, He takes me and molds me. He shapes me into something beautiful. He uses my flaws and weaknesses and melds them, with His strength, into something beautiful.

The Presence of God

<sup>Yesterday I had the opportunity to catch up with a friend I hadn't spoken with for some time. We often have wonderful spiritual conversations that encourage me and challenge me in my faith. My friend shared with me that she felt it had been a very long time since she sensed the presence of God. Her faith remained, yet I sensed that she felt distant from God. 

I spent a brief time praying for God to make Himself known to her in unique ways that would make it obvious that He was with her. I also prayed that if there were any barriers (distractions or demons), in the way of her knowing His Presence that He would tear those barriers down and make the pathway to His throne clear.

When we are in love, we desperately want to know the presence of the one we love. It is difficult when our beloved feels distant. 

God promises that if we come near to Him, He will come near to us (James 4:8). This verse also says that we are to wash our hands and purify our hearts. In our relationship with God, it is important to examine our lives to see if there are things that might be in the way of us drawing near to Him.</sup> This is the action of allowing God to search our hearts and minds (Psalm 139:23).  We join King David in praying (Psalm 51): 

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

^{We need to remember that true love is rooted in more than just feelings. Certainly, there is great emotion tied to the experience of love. However, something deeper must be present. The description of love found in 1 Corinthians 13 goes much deeper than feelings:}

 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It takes more than emotions to live up to this highest ideal of love. All of the actions above are only possible as a conscious decision. We aren't always going to feel God's presence.

I think that this sense of missing God's presence also appears in the apparent silence of God. We pray, but don't hear His answer. Like Job, we trust in the sovereignty of God, yet we wonder why when we call out we hear no reply. 

It is in these times that we must persevere. James reminds us of this, as he refers to the prophets and, yes, even Job, as examples of those who persevered. (See James 5:10-12) We must continue to commune with God. He promises "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13)

Keep your eyes and ears open... at just the right time, the God who loves you will show Himself to you in ways you never imagined! 

Lent - Fashion statement or undergarment?

I am currently participating in a Bible Study on Jesus' Sermon on the Mount. Today's lesson covered fasting and, given that we are currently in the season of Lent, my mind quickly went to recent conversations about fasting during the Lenten Season.

“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you" (Matthew 6:16-18).

Jesus gives emphasis to making fasting a private matter. One's decision to fast is something that is between the individual and God. When we make our "sacrifice" a public matter, we are told that we receive our reward from others, rather than the reward that God gives.  I wonder what heavenly reward we sacrifice for the sake of sympathy or praise from man?

The question is: what is the purpose for fasting? This time of year, I think it is tempting to fast because "everybody is doing it." You might say it's fashionable.

Angela Thomas (Living Your Life as a Beautiful Offering) discussed four purposes for fasting. Having looked over her thoughts, I made up this acronym using the word FAST:  
Focus - I spend more time focusing on God, learning to hear His voice.
Awareness - I recognize things that control me or consume time better dedicated to Him.
Sustenance - I remember that God supplies all my needs.
Tranquility - I find a healthy spiritual balance as I maintain discipline in my life.

This lesson has been helpful to me as I consider fasting for Lent and beyond. It has moved me to reconsider the why and when. Fasting is more than a fashion style that I wear for a season. It is my own private discipline -- undergarments, if you will. The thing about undergarments is that they aren't for the public to see; however, choosing the right undergarments can certainly make any outfit look and fit better!

Will you be my Valentine?

They laughed when you said you wanted me for a valentine and now they are amazed to see how much more beautiful I am since I said "yes". 

You see, I've always been a plain Jane. Happy to fade into the background, I never really wanted anyone to notice me. I stayed back, hidden in the shadows. I was a woman of sorrows and ordinary in every way. I wanted to be invisible. Then, I said "yes". 

You asked me to dance, and escorted me to the dance floor. We twirled around the floor and you wove your light into my hair. We drew close and you let your radiance flood over me. I began to shine like never before. 

In the days that followed, I walked taller, smiled brighter, and laughed more joyfully than ever before. I knew that for the first time in my life, I was loved. And everyone else knew it, too. It was obvious. I couldn't have hidden it if I tried... and why would I?

Now, when others ask about the light inside me, I just smile and say, "I'm glad you like it. It's a gift from my Valentine. "