Brokenness, Joy & Sorrow

You have walked this journey with me for many years.
You have given me a place to call home when I was homeless.
You have encouraged me when I've faced disappointment.
You have cried with me when I will filled with sorrow.
You have applied a healing balm to my many hurts.
You have accepted me for who I am, even when I am "ugly".
You have been Jesus with skin on so many times....
You were my first real glimpse of Who He Is.

I have finally found a joyful place in my journey.
I have found a place to call home while in this world.
I have overcome disappointments and fulfilled dreams.
I have found the joy that overcomes my sorrows.
I have experienced healing in many broken places.
I have learned to be less "ugly" and be more kind.
I have come to know Jesus dwelling in me in new and powerful ways.
I have done all these things because you have been my advocate.

And, in the midst of all this joy I have found there is sorrow.
Sorrow that you are a prisoner in your own home.
Sorrow over your disappointments and shattered dreams.
Sorrow that it is beyond my ability to help you find joy.
Sorrow over the brokenness of your life that I cannot heal.
Sorrow that only the "ugliness" of this world is real to you.
Sorrow that when I want to be Jesus with skin on for you,
I cannot. A door that only He can open is in the way.

So I pray for a miracle. Wait for a sign.
And I promise God that I would give up
everything that I have gained
Just to know that you've found His Joy.

Mourning

Is it wrong that I cannot (will not)
mourn the death of my friend
who has entered into God's Holy rest?
Much more so, I mourn for those who
are still breathing earth's oxygen
yet they have no will to live.
I mourn those who are held
captive to their sorrows and
pains of their past.
How difficult it must be
to live days without hope or joy,
to trudge through life
feeling unlovely and unloved.
Yes, I will grieve, but not for
those alive in Christ.
I will grieve for those who are
yet alive and don't know it.

Sound verses silence

One of the terrific lessons I've learned from my friend, Virginia, is to slow down!  Putting it in musical terms, I'm trying to be more adagio  (A tempo having slow movement; restful at ease.) and less allegro (A direction to play lively and fast.) I like this from Eric Starr as he talks about the use of rest notes in music: 

As a composer, you'll want to think about “sound versus silence.” Finding just the right balance is essential. In the end, this means knowing how to use rests effectively. There is nothing worse than music that sounds “busy” or “cluttered.” If you try to create dense music, it will probably sound chaotic and muddy. Instead, strive to craft natural, flowing music using the fewest notes.

Throw the word "life" in that paragraph everywhere that you see the word "music" and read it again. The question is how are we composing our lives? Are we "using rest effectively" or are we "chaotic and muddy"? 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~Matthew 11:23-30

Do not let your hearts be troubled...

So many things have been on my heart and mind that I thought I'd spill them out here so I can clear room for other things... so here's what I'm thinking about today:

Many of you know that my friend, Virginia, is in her final days on this earth. I consider Virginia to be a dear friend. God has taught me so much about Himself through my friendship with Virginia. At the same time, I also know that Virginia is ready to meet her Savior. She has lived a great life and had an amazing ministry. I am ready for her to hear Jesus say "well done, faithful servant, enter into my rest." When I visit her, I imagine that her mind and heart are with Jesus, but her body still lingers. I pray often for her to be set free from a broken body that holds her captive... freedom that will allow her to once again play the piano for God's glory and honor.

Just this morning, I was reflecting on my relationship with Virginia and asking myself why I continue to visit her daily, even though I am convinced that she doesn't really know that I'm there. I came up with these reasons:
1) I want Carol, who is Virginia's best friend, to know that she is not alone in her love and care for this precious woman. I want to speak words of encouragement and compassion to Carol and others who come to visit.... Caring for the caregiver, I guess.
2) God keeps teaching me something new about Him when I visit Virginia. I sit and read scripture and it's amazing how differently I see it when I consider His Word in the presence of one who is about to leave this world and enter His presence! It was encouraging this past week when I read a devotional on John 14:1-3 - "“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God^, believe also in me.  My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." --- It was noted that JESUS HIMSELF will come to take us to where He is..... He's not sending an angel to do it. He's making the trip to get each of us Himself. I love that... I imagine Jesus coming to get Virginia and take her home to the place He has prepared especially for her.. no doubt, it has the grandest of grand pianos. :)
3) Virginia's ministry still continues and I love to hear the stories. CNA's who cared for her at Wesley Village are coming to visit because she has made a difference in their lives. A CNA from the floor where she spent her first 5 days at St. Joe's after her stroke has come to the hospice floor to visit. In those 5 short days, Virginia developed a relationship with that young lady. She came to tell Miss Virginia that she and her husband had started going to church together again..... God is allowing me the privilege of seeing just a few bites of the fruit of Virginia's labors for Him.

Certainly, my heart has been heavy in recent days, but Virginia's pending home-going in not a source of sorrow, but of joy. My greater sorrows are for my young friends who may be in grave danger... and for my best friend, who has isolated herself from those who love her most... and I fear may have a clouded view of who she is in God's eyes.

Sorrow struck me yesterday when I saw a video that ridiculed "stupid criminals" who were the butt of a media joke because they got stuck in the mud making their getaway. One of the two young men wept openly at his situation as he realized that this newest strike on his record was sending him down a path he didn't want to travel... and I wept too because I wanted to know where the people were who should have been helping him to know that there were better choices available for him... that he, too, has a Savior who has redeemed his life, but  is anyone telling this young man that truth? Sorrow struck me as I watch a few moments (that's all I could take) of a show on TV that featured homes that were outrageously extravagant.... a bathroom where just the tiles cost over $100,000 dollars... I had to walk away and weep because I couldn't imagine how God must feel when His children are homeless, helpless and hungry in the midst of all this.

If I were a superhero, my super human strength this week would be "hyper sensitivity" ... I read news stories and witness things myself that are devastating. And all I know how to do is cry and pray. And I want to do more than that... I want to be an answer to the prayers I lift. I want to do a better job of being sensitive to God's voice when He invites me into the things He's doing. I want to stop and share words of comfort with the man in the hallway at the hospital who is clearly distraught over the condition of his loved one... instead of looking away so as not to embarrass him in the midst of his own sorrows. I want to do more, not because it earns me a merit badge, but because it's what will bring honor to my Father in Heaven.

So that, in a rather large nutshell, is what is on my heart today. How about you? Can I help to carry your burden to the throne of Jesus?

Out of the box... into the circle.

Today was one of those days that I decided to work on cleaning up my apartment. It tends to be the "catch all" for anything I need to get out of the public areas of the Inn and quickly becomes cluttered... As I often do, I found myself throwing all kinds of miscellaneous things into a box to be sorted out later. (Actually, I have several boxes for sorting.) The only thing that the objects in these boxes have in common is the fact that I don't know what to do with them. There's no obvious home for these things in my apartment, so I've bundled them up and will eventually unpack them and try to them fit in, or throw them away, or pass them on to Goodwill... one day, I'll deal with these things as seems fit.

Sometimes I think this is the way the Church deals with people. We don't know what to do with them so we put them in a box and hope that eventually we or they will figure it out. There are many people who I believe get the box treatment; people I think of as being "on the fringe" when it comes to the circle of fellowship in the Church. I'll speak to the issue from my own personal experience as a single person in the "married Church". 

I am convinced that the married Church doesn't know what to do with single people, so they lump them all together and call it "Singles Ministry." In general, the only thing that really ties everyone in the group together is their marital status. Very little consideration is given to the details of individual lives that make up this group. They are single. Shouldn't that automatically qualify them to be in the same box together? 

Here are just a few of the many details that work together to make up the group of people the church likes to call "single" - We have never been married, or are divorced, or are widowed, or are separated. We are in our 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's, and 90's. We have never had children or are single parents or are "empty-nesters." We are gainfully employed or are unemployed or are retired or are on disability. We hope to marry (or remarry) someday or we have no interest in getting married (or remarried) or we just plain hope for God's best whatever that may be. Our family lives nearby, or far away, or we have no family at all. We are content with the life we live or we are disillusioned because we had hoped for something more. We are unique. 

The fact is, as a single person, I don't want to be lumped into a box with other single people. I want to be able to get out of the box that the Church has designed for me and get into the circle of fellowship. The church is full of circles of fellowship and it is generally well understood who belongs in those circles. My challenge to the Church would be to widen it's circles by learning to be inclusive, rather than exclusive, in its approach to ministry. My challenge to myself is to learn how to be an educator and advocate for people like me who often feel like we're on the fringe. My challenge to anyone who feels like they are on the fringe is to take action; be bold to find your place, rather than fretting because you haven't received a personal invitation. 

As I mentioned earlier, there are many people who may feel like they are "on the fringe" for one reason or another. They don't have a sense of belonging. They can't figure out where they fit in and the Church is ill-equipped to help them figure it out. Do you have a circle? Can you stretch that circle wider to help another in the body to find his or her place? Who do you know that might feel like he or she is on the fringe? An important note: fringe people are NOT mission fields. They are people who want to know that they matter in the Kingdom of God. They are people who want to know that they are of value to the body of believers. They are people who want to be shown that they do, indeed, have a place where they fit into the Church.

^"Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ? Because there is one loaf, we, who are many, are one body, for we all share the one loaf." ~1 Corinthians 10:16-17

^"Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many." ~ 1 Corinthians 12:12-14

Will you be voting this November?

Recently a friend on facebook raised a question that I've also contemplated: If you don't fully support the platforms of either candidate, should you vote? Based on replies to this question, as well as some feedback unrelated to this facebook dialog, I've come to the following conclusions:

• Our right to vote is a gift from God. He has used our government system to give us that right.  "Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God." ~Romans 13:1
•  NOTE: Don't be tempted to leave the decision "in God's hands"... He moves through His people.  "faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." ~James 2:17
• Our freedoms as U.S. Citizens (including the freedom to choose our leaders) been defended by men and women in the military for years. We disrespect the sacrifice of many when we do not use our freedoms. Voting is one way that every citizen has "freedom of speech" and we need to let our voices be heard. 
• Voting for the "lesser of two evils" is still an important action. When we fail to do even this, we have increased the likelihood of the "greater of two evils" being in power. We whittle away a little of the evil and press on with prayer, in hopes that God will be merciful to our sin-filled nation. 

 So, even though I'm having a hard time being fully supportive of candidates in most of the positions up for election this year. I will pray for and research the candidates. Then on November 6, 2012 I will get out and vote with my best possible conscience. I hope you'll join me at the polls.

The Journey from Restless to Rested (Ps 107:4-9)

"Some wandered in desert wastelands finding no way to a city where they could settle" v4

To say I've moved a lot would be an understatement. At one time I could say "in 27 years I've moved 27 times." I wandered from place to place, town to town, state to state. I changed jobs, schools and, even friends, like I was changing my clothes. And like my clothes, I could never find the right fit. It didn't fit my personality, my preference, my style... When something didn't suit me, I tossed it aside, donated it to goodwill, and moved on... "Surely the next shop will have something more to my liking," I thought.

"They were hungry and thirsty and their lives ebbed away" v5

Oh, yes. I was hungry and thirsty... but not for physical food. Certainly I've had more than my share of that. My hunger went deeper than any physical nourishment. I needed something else. Still I fed my hunger with that which cannot satisfy. I drank stagnant water from a rusty cup and pretended that it quenched my thirst.

In the midst of all this, I somehow knew that "the Lord, He is good and His love endures forever." (Ps 107:1)

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble and He delivered them from their distress." v6

I hit a lot of walls as I journeyed through the maze of my life. At every turn, my Heavenly Father was waiting for me to ask for His help. Each time I asked, He answered. The key became this: Keep on asking!

"He led them by a straightway to a city where they could settle." v7

When I finally reached the point of surrender, I listened to the guiding voice of my Savior and He led me to a place I can now call home. I'm always mindful of the fact that this is not my home [ah, someday - heaven!] but for now, I am in a place that is as much like home as it can be.

"Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men, for He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things." v8-9

Although it has taken me a long time to surrender to the Father's love, I'm so blessed to have done so. Nothing can satisfy me like Jesus! He is daily pouring out His unfailing love upon me. He has satisfied my thirst with Springs of Living Water and filled my hungry heart with blessing upon blessing. Praise His name!

Life is far from perfect, but it sure is a lot closer when I "give thanks to the Lord, for He is good and His love endures for ever."